We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
