I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
