I'm going to jail i love you
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
