Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
