oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
