so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
