i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
ok first of all what the fuck
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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