If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
