it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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