Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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