this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
