did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
