I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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