So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
