um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
