So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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