Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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