Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
