It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
