It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
