I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
