hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
