I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
