Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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