I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
