with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
