big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
