I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
