I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
