She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
