I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
