The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
