these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
