there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
