I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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