she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
