The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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