shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
