dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
