Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
ttyl tear gas
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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