your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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