Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
