nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
