I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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