I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
