Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
