I only kidnapped one of them. chill
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
