dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
