I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
