I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
