Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
