my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
