Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
