TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
