new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
