is your mom at the bar?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
