have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
