I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she looked like the before picture.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I yelled at your uterus for you.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
