i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
